real not-in-school-anymore grownup

the days of grad school are winding down, and i'm so ready. tomorrow will be june; a month i've been waiting for. linds and i are slowly packing up the house, getting rid of a lot of stuff, and closing up this chapter of our lives. we've lived together the past 3 1/2 years, and it will be strange without her. but on the up side, i get a new roommate to look forward to;)

tomorrow's my last day at Seymour with my kids, and i think i'll miss them more than i realize now. right now, i'm just wanting to be done so bad that i'm looking straight ahead towards that goal. but today during our first grade "awards day", i realized just how special each child is and how much i've fallen in love with so many of them.

there's really nothing much to tell; my days of late consist of cleaning, packing, wedding details and getting ready for my next class on monday.

the end of grad school means a lot of new things:
free time to read for FUN
back home with my family
a new job that i will LOVE
a new apartment with a new husband:)
becoming a real not-in-school-anymore grownup.

i almost forgot

i successfully defended a Master's thesis. *proud face*

boys will be boys

the boys got ahold of some of the leftover bridal shower supplies one night during graduation weekend, and this is what came of it. of course i stood by and caught it all on tape. some of my favorite things about this video: 1)jake's mustache, 2)tyler's giggles, 3)our only interventions as "yeah, that DOES look like it hurts" or "no, put it there at least", 4)jake's very accurate imitation of Santa meets the talking trees from LOTR, and 5)that he actually let tyler keep going.

p.s. listen closely, you'll hear Summer honk.

jesus in a bunny outfit

i know i've talked a lot about my first graders at Seymour Primary, but you have to understand- they're my life right now. plus, you'd fall in love with every single one of them if you were in my position, too.

here's a picture way back from Halloween. Instead of "Halloween" costumes, they were all asked to come dressed up as a book character. This is my favorite. This child is the most gentle, loving creature God ever made. Lauren knows exactly when to latch onto you and hug you until you're blue in the face, and the perfect time to just slide a handmade picture of a dolphin that says "I love you" across your desk when you're busy. She sits right in front of my desk, always watching me. She doesn't get to go to second grade next year, though. But she just tells me that it means she'll get to help out the other kids.

This child is Jesus in a bunny outfit.

so close

5 more days of school.

10 more days of class.

36 more days of being a Blum.

salt shakers & ice cream

my kids at Seymour surprised me today with a "secret wedding party" as they called it. it was so sweet of them- they made a sash, special decorated chair, had cupcakes and juice boxes...the whole shebang. they were so good about not giving it away the entire day i was there, and they were all so excited about the presents they picked out.

they had a kitchen theme for the shower, so i ended up getting a massive amount of fun kitchen tools, half the stuff the kids have NO idea what they're used for (and neither do i).

my favorite present was from a little boy named Jacob. he has coke-bottle glasses and always wears a Sheriff's star. he gave me salt and pepper shakers in the shape of a hot dog & hamburger. they're pretty incredible. he also gave me ice cream dishes and an ice cream scoop. this kid knows what's good in life.

dinner for one

this weekend was a little bit lonely. it seemed like almost everyone was out of town, or preoccupied with other things. i guess i'm so used to traveling on the weekends, that when i have a weekend for myself, i don't know what to do. i was looking forward to some time for myself, but too much of it makes me depressed and really bored. and when i'm bored, i look for ways to spend money. which is never good.

so this is what i've done so far this weekend:

watched seasons 4 & 8 of Friends start to finish
babysat a cat
picked out music for the wedding ceremony
written baby shower invitations
got the rest of the bridesmaids' shoes
cleaned the house
found a rug & pictures for our new kitchen
sold used clothes
gone running a few times
packed a few things in my room
went to dinner w/ a friend
church @ Crossings
rented "Because I Said So" and had a movie night w/ Nicole's cat
worked on our thesis defense presentation
got my oil changed


...so i guess looking back, i really did get some things done that needed to be done. however, this weekend has dragged on. i know i'm just anxious for days to start flying by.

"these days, i wish i was six again..."

these are my precious ones at Seymour. we were stoked about winning anything and everything for field day. we had cheers, signs, shirts, etc. it was a great chance to relive my elementary days.

seven dollar shoes

well, i'm sick again. back to Seymour = the crud. i love the place, but apparently i'm allergic. it makes for some cranky mornings and headaches early on. ah well, 2 more weeks. at least the kids are absolutely precious. ;)

gonna have a great weekend for "me". i'm cat-sitting at the Gooches, which means every single season of Friends at my disposal, along with cable tv. a big comfy bed, and time to just do whatever i want. (aka prework)

spent some good QT w/ the Wolfs tonight...which only reminds me of how much i'm going to miss them. we held in our tears during the season finale of Grey's tonight, which are moments that i can only share to the fullest extent with Betsy.

also, i got some "i have a new job" shoes tonight at good ole' Shoe Show for only $7. gotta love it. they have pointy toes, so don't tell Tim. he'll hate them. but you can't win 'em all.

i apologize for the meaningless post. three times a week is harder than i thought.

coming up: field day footage.

knoxville

my friend Betsy Wolf took a few (awesome) pictures of downtown Knoxville this weekend, so i wanted to share. if you're like me, you've spent some great summer nights in Market Square at Sundown in the City, met the flower guy, walked around wishing you could afford a cool studio loft at Sterchi's, attended the Dogwood Festival, and just enjoyed a little part of east Tennessee.

i'm gonna miss it.

virginia is for lovers

this weekend was exactly what i needed.

it was awesome walking in the house and watching my mother absolutely flip out when she saw me. she was so excited, she hung up on the person she was on the phone with. she got her wish- all of her kids (plus Tim) home for mother's day.

tim and i signed a lease for our new apartment! i'll post pictures later. i love the place, and we're going to be living in the building next to nick & lindsay (friends from home getting married this summer, also) so it's going to be a blast. it worked out great that i went home, since we couldn't get the apartment unless i was there. it was a little bit surreal to walk around an empty apartment and realize that it would be our first home.

dad got a nice sized gift card from work to a fancy steak place in downtown Virginia Beach, so to celebrate Mom's birthday, Mother's Day, and my parents' 25th wedding anniversary (yeah, Mom's got it real good this time of year), we all got dressed up and had a night on the town. we did the whole thing...appetizers, steaks, desserts...everything. this restaurant has the best steak i've had in my entire life. i'm not going to mention the fact that the average entree was $40-50. we had a great time, on someone else's dime, of course! ;)

church today was very encouraging, as well. Northside's congregational vote for my call into ministry is next week, so there were a lot of people coming up to introduce themselves to Tim and I. it was very encouraging to have so many people express how excited they are of us coming back to Northside, friends and strangers alike. it's amazing how much peace we feel about this whole thing, and how it all just fell into place in a matter of a month's time! God is good.

all in all, it was hard to leave. it was so much fun being home with the entire family at once, celebrating so many fun things. only five more weeks and i'll have it all back! :)

i decided rather last minute today that i'm going to go home to surprise my mom for mother's day. all of us kids will be home, and i would rather be home with everyone than anywhere else right now. her birthday was yesterday, mother's day is sunday, and she & dad have their 25th wedding anniversary on tuesday. she's got it made.

i can't wait to get home and just be with family. i don't even have to pay for gas- i'm counting it as "moving expenses" from the church so i'll pack my car to the brim with my stuff and consider my moving started.

i suppose i should get to packin' - bon voyage.

the beginning of the end

this weekend was wonderful with everyone in town for graduation. it's so weird to think that it's already been one full year since we walked across that same stage. so much has happened in that year, and i feel like it's flown by. of course, looking back it seems to have gone by faster, but in the midst of the student teaching and papers and paperwork, i didn't seem to think so.

we all had so much fun together enjoying each other's company and really holding onto the fun times we had together. other than our wedding in June, i'm sure when i'll see some of those people. Tim's already having a hard time with it since he's already in Virginia, and i can spend time with people while I'm still here. It makes me realize that we really do have the best friends i could ever ask for. the friends i've met at jbc are HONESTLY friends that will be there for the rest of our lives.

and yeah, i realize that we all grow up and live in different places and have families and jobs that take us away from eachother. but i wish it wasn't so. wouldn't it be great to still have that community where you know you're going to see everyone during dinner, and at least five times a day? we complain about it sometimes when we have it. but i'll miss it.

p.s. i don't know what the matter is with my smile.

waiting sucks.

I'm at that realization where i finally realize what it might mean to completely leave everything up to God's timing. Before, I've at least been able to do something about the options I had, the decision was ultimately mine, and I knew what to expect for the most part. Now I feel like I'm completely dependent upon the events of the next few months, and the way that God chooses to work in my life. I don't like the way it feels. It makes my stomach tighten up similar to the way I feel when I get nervous about something, or when I know that my future is going to happen according to someone else's decision.

What's even scarier is that I don't have the fall-back plan of still being in school. Until now, all my big decisions had to do with school. I at least had the security of knowing where I'd be living, how long I'd be in school, and how things would be paid for. In 5 months, Tim and I are on our own. And we have NO idea what our lives will be like. 5 months.

We're struggling to find a way to stay in Knoxville, so we can be a part of an incredible ministry that we've both fallen in love with. The challenges that come with making that a reality are proving themselves to be bigger and scarier than I thought. We started out saying to each other, "Well, we'll deal with that when we get there." Well, we're closing in on that time where we have to make decisions, and possibly find out that what we thought we wanted to do isn't going to happen. It's in my nature to have a plan about the future and to know the direction I'm headed. Honestly, this situation scares the hell out of me. I don't like not knowing. I don't like wondering, hoping, and doubting all at the same time.

I know that God is teaching us both something huge in this situation, no matter what the final decision. That doesn't make it any less scary.

Where is that line that lets me know the difference between God's lessons and Satan's distractions?

How do I know that what we're encountering so far is just Satan's attempts at trying to lead us away from an incredible opportunity? What if these challenges are really doors closing and God leading us somewhere else? Do we wait in faith and rest in the fact that God is faithful and will provide us a job so we can stay in Knoxville? Or is that being foolish and not doing our part in being responsible about starting our life together?


one thing i do know - there's something big at the end of whichever path we end up taking. i'm holding on to the faith of knowing it will be worth it.

right?

"maybe tonight, i've got a question for you"

this is the last Christmas i will be spending without Tim. we even put up a tiny "temporary" stocking for him to get used to having room for one more. so much has changed this past year, and i've loved most and hated some of it.

i always try to think about last year at this time, and the thought of "what if i had known how things would be at this time next year?" runs through my mind.

this time last year, i was sleeping (too much) on a cruise ship somewhere near Puerto Rico with my family and my grandparents. we spent our Christmas money on a cruise this year, and it was a blast.

tim and i had been dating for a little over a year. marriage was still a "touchy" subject.

my sister didn't have her license yet and the other one was halfway done with her senior year, still unsure of where to go for college.




this year:

we're at home, for the last time of it just being the 5 of us.

tim and i are getting married in 6 months.

sarah has had her license long enough to "wear in" the car.

ashley has finished her first semester at JBC, and loves it.

my parents have conquered great obstacles in both of their lives, while others in my church family have just started discovering new ones.



i can't wait to see what next year will be like.


these times, they are a-changin'.
Merry Christmas.

little things that mean a lot

making sure your alarm is set on A.M. and not P.M.

good phone signal

enough pillows

salt

light bulbs

breath mints

enough pencil lead

hot water

the right change

deodorant

coupons

the list goes on...i had so much more in the list in my head. add more if you feel obliged.

is God fair?

i asked this question to my sixth grade homeroom this morning, and instructed them to write continuously in response to this question for almost 10 minutes.

i thought i'd share a few interesting responses:

"Is God Fair? Yes.
But I am kind of sad because ever since **** came to school my best friend ********* plays and talks with him more than me. I also think that it is not fair that my grandma died. My dog Boo died, too. I just think everything is going wrong in my life. BUt I know that it is because of all the bad sins I have done in my life and this is the consequence. Also my Grandad is lonely and sad. But I know through God everything will be alright. As long as I have Christ in my hear, whatever happens he will always be my one, true God."


"I think God is fair. You just have to believe him and if you pray hard, it might happen, but God can't always work and answer your prayers. And I've prayed for other things and he hasn't answered them. But that's just how it is."


"God is fair because I believe he does everything for a purpose,even when times are hard. God may seem unfair at times. I have thought that before, but afterwards I don't."




Where I expected to see peace; I uncovered disappointment.

what is a missionary?

this morning's devotion has been sticking in my mind so clearly today. many times i've had to reread things in order to really process what it's saying, especially in the morning and today was no different. along with having to explain it to myself to make sure i understood instead of just read, i connected it to....be surprised.....a teaching strategy.

i've often taught a lesson about the pioneers and the California Gold Rush. there were many things that "pulled" settlers out west, things that enticed and were attractive to men and women alike that gravitated them West. Things such as harsh conditions and failure in their original homelands are categorized as things that "pushed" them.

again, we have conditions that attracted them "towards" something and conditions that repelled people or "pushed" them from behind.

in church words, we could say some were "sent" and some were "called". make sense?

missionaries are often persuaded to present their missions using graphic stories, outstanding statistics, and desperate faces on their slides and displays. don't get me wrong, needs have to be met and sometimes we have to have that certain heartstring pulled inside ourselves in order to feel motivated at all. situations have to appear desperate enough in order to "call" people to them.

however, Oswald Chambers challenged me this morning to look at it a different way.
missionaries are sent. they might feel called, but i believe that in fact, they are commanded by a force BEHIND them. they are not sent by the people who need them. they are pulled towards them, but sent by Jesus.

the most important part of the whole missionary equation is the command. don't go because they need you. go because you were told to go.

fix the "pulls" as a result of the "push".




In missionary enterprise the great danger is that God's call is effaced by the needs of the people until human sympathy absolutely overwhelms the meaning of being sent by Jesus. The needs are so enormous, the conditions so perplexing, that every power of mind falters an dfails. We forget that the one great reason underneath all missionary enterprise is not first the elevation of the people, nor the education of the people, nor their needs; but first and foremost the command of Jesus Christ- "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations."

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

a place that i can't get to

i'm still sick after 2 weeks of getting worse, then getting better, then worse again. i just want my physical energy back so my mental and spiritual energy will follow. i feel like i'm half-heartedly doing so many things that i can't pour myself into anything. i know that life will always be busy, so i have to learn to pour myself into everything, no matter what.

met with the launch team this week. it was interesting and overwhelming to say the least. i loved it, though. it got me excited about diving into ministry with the people i love the most. i feel like i'm just kindof falling into it because of a significant other, but once i really get my feet wet and figure out what it's all about and why i'm involved in it, God's going to open up a lot for me. i can sense it.

i'm still trying to shake this feeling of not liking where i am in life right now. i just struggle through schoolwork, and can't muster up the passion for it. i know it's just school, but it affects everything in my world around it.

it makes me want to drive back to virginia and just stay there until i'm old enough to handle everything. i miss my family like crazy. i never realized how much of a safe haven they are to me. family really is a gift from God.

teaching Austin

the more i teach, the more i realize that kids will do almost anything to be loved.

there is a little boy in my class who i have to be on top of all day about one thing or another. he's always chewing on his pencil, throwing something, laying down in class, etc. i always have to speak to him about his behavior or schoolwork. we hardly ever get along, and he's constantly throwing me dirty looks and watching to see if i'm going to catch him in the act. i figured we were on our way to being enemies by the end of only a few short weeks.

but today, i was busy doing something at my desk when all of a sudden i felt tiny first grade arms around my waist and a little first grade head of blonde hair on my back. the little first grade voice said, "i love you, Miss Blum."

it was Austin. and he meant it, too.

maybe no one at home tells him he can't chew on things or throw things or be nice to people. maybe they don't care. and he knows that.