a place that i can't get to

i'm still sick after 2 weeks of getting worse, then getting better, then worse again. i just want my physical energy back so my mental and spiritual energy will follow. i feel like i'm half-heartedly doing so many things that i can't pour myself into anything. i know that life will always be busy, so i have to learn to pour myself into everything, no matter what.

met with the launch team this week. it was interesting and overwhelming to say the least. i loved it, though. it got me excited about diving into ministry with the people i love the most. i feel like i'm just kindof falling into it because of a significant other, but once i really get my feet wet and figure out what it's all about and why i'm involved in it, God's going to open up a lot for me. i can sense it.

i'm still trying to shake this feeling of not liking where i am in life right now. i just struggle through schoolwork, and can't muster up the passion for it. i know it's just school, but it affects everything in my world around it.

it makes me want to drive back to virginia and just stay there until i'm old enough to handle everything. i miss my family like crazy. i never realized how much of a safe haven they are to me. family really is a gift from God.

teaching Austin

the more i teach, the more i realize that kids will do almost anything to be loved.

there is a little boy in my class who i have to be on top of all day about one thing or another. he's always chewing on his pencil, throwing something, laying down in class, etc. i always have to speak to him about his behavior or schoolwork. we hardly ever get along, and he's constantly throwing me dirty looks and watching to see if i'm going to catch him in the act. i figured we were on our way to being enemies by the end of only a few short weeks.

but today, i was busy doing something at my desk when all of a sudden i felt tiny first grade arms around my waist and a little first grade head of blonde hair on my back. the little first grade voice said, "i love you, Miss Blum."

it was Austin. and he meant it, too.

maybe no one at home tells him he can't chew on things or throw things or be nice to people. maybe they don't care. and he knows that.