run for the hills

Tim and I just came back from our trip to Boulder, Colorado. This was our trip as a gift to ourselves, an early anniversary present, second honeymoon, a trip we'd better take now before more siblings get married & we have more babies. We were pumped. Boulder is a town that fits our personalities and interests, and it's always a place we've wanted to visit.

The trip could've been better. In fact, it could've been a lot better. Not because of our planning, the weather (that was actually pretty rainy & chilly), the company, things to do, etc. Because when we left for our trip, we had recently learned we were on our way of becoming a family of four. I was between 6-7 weeks along and this was one of the best surprises I'd ever had in life. Since it was a little more work to get pregnant with Isaac, we were beyond thrilled that this pregnancy had just snuck up on us.

When we came home, we weren't pregnant anymore. The sparkle in our eyes was dimming, the disappointment had set in, and I was just plain confused. We'd had a miscarriage. Something I really never envisioned happening to me. (Who does?) Talk about putting a damper on a great trip. Not much R&R.

Looking back a week ago, I still have some frustrations and questions. Probably will for awhile. My intention is not to drag this out and write a "woe is me" post that everyone will comment on and feel sorry for. I know I have little to complain about with my beautiful baby boy at home & a very strong possibility of success in the near future. That's not what this is about. I was wondering why God would pull my heartstrings like that....surprise, you're pregnant. now you're not. What?? In most situations, I try to find God working the details. I was confused, angry, upset, disappointed and desperate last week. I just wanted to run for the hills. So we did just that.

God works in mysterious ways and I have never had any intention of revealing his mystery. It's just not possible & that remains one of my favorite things about our Lord. He is Sovereign and will not be figured out.

Maybe God sent us away to the mountains by ourselves to rest.
Maybe He knew we'd need each other and only each other to make it through the week.
Maybe He knew the towering red rocks against the deep blue sky would speak to me in that moment, as a symbol of His control and power.
Maybe He wanted us to remember that it's not up to us.
Maybe He needed me to change the way I loved my husband.
Maybe He needed me to change the way I mothered the son I do have at home.

Maybe He wanted me back.
Back from somewhere I hadn't realized I'd wandered off to.

All in all, we have begun to heal and move on. There is plenty of silver lining to shine through. In perspective, I know there are several (or more) of you out there who would take this tiny tragedy in a heartbeat compared to what you've suffered. I know that I am blessed to have a child already. This isn't about that. It's about God working in a way that is unclear to us now, and me trusting that He is good.

Because He is good. He wouldn't be anything else.



Psalm 72:3
Let the mountains bring peace to the people, and the hills, in righteousness.

about learning to see what's right there

alright, friends. i have a lot going on right now. several things are a-stewin' in this head of mine, which always seems to come in waves. so in advance - hold on, it's random and a bit lengthy.

if you remember several months ago, i said i believe God planted a small seed of a desire to see a successful women's ministry begin to take shape in my local church community. God is faithful and has been continuing his good work. this post is partly mental notes for me to document how this whole thing is taking shape, even if slowly, and partly to share my excitement with you (because how can I keep God's work a secret!?). aside from anything i could ever try to plan & execute myself, i'd love to tell you about the topics stirring around in my head & heart as well.

-started reading(yes, lofty goals!)a book called The Forgotten God by Francis Chan. definitely rethinking (or even paying attention for the first time) to the role of the Holy Spirit in me as living and real, and not just a Sunday School answer.

-Zumba. continues to grow & i love love love hearing the excitement by several participants who are slowly growing in their addiction *evil laugh*. it's working! bridging the gap between healthy physical bodies & healthy communities and souls is narrowing.

-this is a big year for my church community, in my opinion. tim & i have now been here 3 years and feel like it's time to dig into the trenches & get serious about making a change. i'm expecting it to be uncomfortable for many, and we're learning to be okay with that. it always amazes me how God sets things on our hearts individually & then we have those "me too!" moments. we're also starting to make our "church community" as outside the walls of our congregation where tim is employed.

-our current church community is looking towards figuring out what discipleship means for them. it's an uncomfortable conversation at times, and involves some looking in the mirror and admitting that most of the time, we're not doing it. in order to do my part, i've decided that along with the help of the Holy Spirit, i'm going to attempt some matchmaking of my own within the demographic i know best - women. by matchmaking i mean taking what i've learned from previous discipleship groups that have worked well & providing opportunities for women to connect with each other - OUTSIDE of kids, husbands, work, etc.

i have the privilege of being connected to our church body by default - i'm a pastor's wife. people have to be nice to me, know who i am, involve us, etc. however, i need to remember those who may walk into the building looking for that connection. what is there? "hmm, do you have kids? no? um..well, services are at 9 and 10:30. won't that be fun??" (sad, but true.)

-tim and i have been faced with the reality that Anderson might be a long term home for us. we've complained for far too long about how this city has nothing to offer the twenty somethings for entertainment, culture & recreation. we've done a half ass job, to probably be pretty honest, about investing in this city as the Lord's holy ground. too long we've lived in a "one day" state of mind and dreaming about the next trendy town we live in with lots to keep us entertained and endless ministry opportunities. well, i feel as if a veil has been lifted and that place we always said we'd live intentionally and make our mission field is right. freaking. here. Anderson is a special town with financial strife, poverty, hopeless people, and an education system that is below par. who are we to decide we're too good for this place? and what cool city park or trendy cafe can replace good friends that would do anything for you & live life with you?? God needs us here. we try to remind ourselves when we have frustrations about our present location that if we don't stay and give hope, who will?

well, i don't ever promise great literature or clever crafty tutorials, but i hope that you find encouragement & comfort in reading about how God works through a crazy world, even if it's just the small realm of my own reality here in a seemingly hopeless city in central Indiana.

God bless. enjoy your time with loved ones this weekend & make sure they know you love them.

Mary's Prayer

I've never read something that says what I have felt (in a millionth of a fraction)as a mother quite like this. Like I said, Isaac was born about a week before Christmas, so there was no way not to think of Mary and how she must've felt about her new baby. And on top of that, add the humiliation, fear, embarassment & sea of unanswered questions she still had.

Mary’s Prayer

God. O infant-God. Heaven’s fairest child. Conceived by the union of divine grace with our disgrace. Sleep well.

Sleep well. Bask in the coolness of this night bright with diamonds. Sleep well, for the heat of anger simmers nearby. Enjoy the silence of the crib, for the noise of confusion rumbles in your future. Savor the sweet safety of my arms, for a day is soon coming when I cannot protect you.

Rest well, tiny hands. For though you belong to a king, you will touch no satin, own no gold. You will grasp no pen, guide no brush. No, your tiny hands are reserved for works more precious:
to touch a leper’s open wound,
to wipe a widow’s weary tear,
to claw the ground of Gethsemane.

Your hands, so tiny, so white—clutched tonight in an infant’s fist. They aren’t destined to hold a scepter nor wave from a palace balcony. They are reserved instead for a Roman spike that will staple them to a Roman cross.

Sleep deeply, tiny eyes. Sleep while you can. For soon the blurriness will clear and you will see the mess we have made of your world.

You will see our nakedness, for we cannot hide.

You will see our selfishness, for we cannot give.

You will see our pain, for we cannot heal.

O eyes that will see hell’s darkest pit and witness her ugly prince . . . sleep, please sleep; sleep while you can.

Lie still, tiny mouth. Lie still, mouth from which eternity will speak.

Tiny tongue that will soon summon the dead, that will define grace, that will silence our foolishness.

Rosebud lips—upon which ride a starborn kiss of forgiveness to those who believe you, and of death to those who deny you—lie still.

And tiny feet cupped in the palm of my hand, rest. For many difficult steps lie ahead for you.

Do you taste the dust of the trails you will travel?

Do you feel the cold seawater upon which you will walk?

Do you wrench at the invasion of the nail you will bear?

Do you fear the steep descent down the spiral staircase into Satan’s domain?

Rest, tiny feet. Rest today so that tomorrow you might walk with power. Rest. For millions will follow in your steps.

And little heart . . . holy heart . . . pumping the blood of life through the universe: How many times will we break you?

You’ll be torn by the thorns of our accusations.

You’ll be ravaged by the cancer of our sin.

You’ll be crushed under the weight of your own sorrow.

And you’ll be pierced by the spear of our rejection.

Yet in that piercing, in that ultimate ripping of muscle and membrane, in that final rush of blood and water, you will find rest. Your hands will be freed, your eyes will see justice, your lips will smile, and your feet will carry you home.

And there you’ll rest again this time in the embrace of your Father.

an excerpt from Max Lucado's God Came Near

advent calendar tutorial

I have to give credit to my friend Jennifer of Laineybug Creations for the inspiration of this calendar. The above picture is the banner she made for the hospital door when Isaac was born last year. It reads "Baby Isaac" and has a blank tag in the middle where we filled in all of his stats. It made it easy for visitors to find our hospital room, and we now have it hanging in his room. So when I wanted to make a simple advent calendar, I used this banner as a jumping off point.

Here are the supplies you'll need:

-Scrapbook paper (I used 4 different coordinating colors. You can use more or less, depending on how uniform you want your calendar to be)
-9 feet of 1/4" ribbon (I found mine in the scrapbooking section at JoAnn's for $1 a spool)
-Glue stick
-Hole punch
-Scissors
-Ruler & pencil
-Letter stamps & coordinating color ink pad (optional)
-Craft punch (optional)

1. Choose 3 coordinating colors (optional if you want all one color) for the tags themselves and 2 colors for the numbers & background.


2. Fold the paper in half, and then in half again.




3. Cut the piece of folded paper in equal parts. You should get four in each piece.

I glued the insides of the paper to itself (glue white to white) to make it a little sturdier.

4. Cut 25 rectangles of coordinating colors to use as the backgrounds for the numbers. You will also need circles for each numerical digit (one circle for the 2 and 5 in "25"). I used a craft punch, but you could use scissors if you wanted.



5. Assemble the pieces in the pattern that you choose.



6. Use stamps, markers, or whatever you choose to number each dot on the cards. Then put the Scriptures in each card. There are several books and online resources for finding Advent Scriptures.



7. Using a hole punch, make holes in the corners of each card. Use the ribbon to tie each tag together, making sure to tie a ribbon on each end for hanging.




Hang it somewhere you'll see every day. We have ours in the kitchen doorway where we can see it while we eat breakfast. I even considered wrapping it around our Christmas tree like a garland. Either way, enjoy!

starting advent

my mom always had an advent wreath on our table growing up. the one with three red candles and one white, for the last Sunday or Christmas. we jumped around several different denominations and churches when we were young, finally finding a home in a Christian church in Virginia. so needless to say, i've had a lot of experience dabbling in other church Christmas traditions. my paternal grandfather was a clergyman in the Episcopal church and i think we, at one point or another, have attended Presbyterian, Nazerene, United Methodist, Church of Christ, and Christian church. whew. i'm pretty sure all we've concluded from our "church shopping" as we always called it whenever we moved somewhere new, was that if a church honors the Lord, follows Jesus as Savior, and believes the Bible is God's inspired word and LIVES IT, then they're ok with us. or me. i guess i shouldn't speak for the rest of my family.

not to get into unnecessary discussions about denominations, blah blah crappity crap.

my POINT is... i've been aware of the celebration of advent since i was a kid. (sorry it took me so long to get there).

now that tim and i are parents, we have been forced to step back and really evaluate how our life looks to others. we realize that our children can be told what's important a bazillion times, but i'd rather them KNOW what's important because they see us making priorities. one thing that tim will "soapbox" about is the hype and ridiculousness that is Christmas gifts. how is our celebration of Christmas really any different than someone who doesn't follow Christ? oh, er...*awkward silence. i guess it's not.

enter, advent calendar. not the cardboard calendar where you get a piece of chocolate when you open each numbered door (which i loved dearly as a kid), but one that really hits home with the anticipation of Christmas. that's what we all love about the holiday anyway. so, instead of anticipating gifts and Santa and getting, getting, getting we hope to create a season of celebration and wonder and excitement for celebrating the coming of a baby named Jesus. we're still decorating like crazy, playing Jingle Bells, and buying gifts but the excitement will hopefully come from a different perspective.

it's only the first day, but already, i love it. we worked on our homemade advent calendar together (that's a first!) and i think it turned out pretty good. each day has a Scripture to read. we've decided to get up early (ok earlier than isaac), eat breakfast together (meaning i need to actually make it) and read that day's verse as a family. whoa. that's high expectations for us. today's verse was Romans 13:11-14.

this time of year brings back strong memories for us, since our isaac was born about a week before Christmas. we had the anticipation of a baby in real life. i never payed attention to the words of songs like "Mary Did You Know" and "What Child is This?" like i did last year. the wonder and anticipation of a baby is pretty amazing any month of the year, but near Christmas it just seemed escalated. i would wonder if what i felt was just a smidgen of how Mary did when we was too swollen and tired to put up her Christmas tree. or ride on a donkey. whatever.

i'd love for you to follow along with us as we go on our advent journey as a family. i'm not even going to dare to say that i will blog about each day, but maybe in the next 24 days i will have a few to highlight. this has also inspired me to change up the breakfast menu a bit. i have several omelettes, fruit & oat scones, and an apple & sausage breakfast casserole (interesting) planned to get us away from the pancakes/waffles i usually depend on.

happy december, everyone! may you see Christ this Christmas.

2. growth

Not only am I thankful that my little boy is healthy and growing like a weed, learning new things every day, but I am thankful for my own growth. I've said before that I live a life of seasons, and this last year has definitely been a growing year for me. I guess becoming a parent will do that to ya. I've had to stretch beyond myself and make my life about someone other than me. The sad truth is, I should have been doing this all along. As a follower of Christ, I should have been living my life as a way of pointing to Jesus, but let's be honest.

This last year, I think Tim and I both have been re-evaluating a lot about ourselves and the way we live. We've tried to be intentional in everything we do, whether it's what we eat, who we are around, or what we spend our money on. We've had to make some major adjustments because of Isaac, but I really don't think I would change any of them. I love the challenge of trying to live more simply, more intentional, with more regard to others and the life that Jesus has come to give us. I've grown in many ways this year, and really feel like I'm finally starting to taste the fruit of this life we live for God. And it's good stuff.

water

I'm never so sure if things line up in my life according to God's planning it that way, or if I'm just convincing myself that it's so. However, I am a firm believer in the practice of prayer & spending time and energy getting to know our Creator. Since I've gotten (a little) better at turning an ear towards God's leading in my life lately, I find God in the details. Everywhere. I knew He was there before, but mostly just in the major panics or blessings that would catch anyone's attention. Nowadays, I'm delighted to find Him in the every day happenings of life as a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend.

Our adult small group has been (slowly) working through a film series called Blessed Earth by Dr. Matthew Sleeth. We're eating it up, just because it gives us an excuse to blab on about how important it is to recycle and reuse napkins, but mostly because it's so good at teaching how "following Jesus is good for the planet". It takes the trendy green movement and makes it intentional for the life of the church. Good stuff.

Our last session was entitled, "Water". Long story short, we were sent home with the assignment of trying to be more aware of how fortunate we are to have free access to clean, drinkable water 24/7. We searched the Scriptures for mention of water and took note of how Jesus even called Himself the "Living Water". We were challenged to post a verse somewhere near the sink, shower, etc. to remind us of God's thorough connection with water. I chose Psalm 65:9,

"You care for the land and water it; you enrich it abundantly. The streams of God are filled with water to provide the people with grain, for so you have ordained it."

I'm telling you all this because on Thursday of this last week, our well went out. We didn't have water when we woke up, and the issue didn't get resolved until about 7:30 that evening. Isaac and I were at home all day without running water. No shower, no washing dishes, no doing laundry, and no...flushing. the. toilet. I made sure that I stopped to use the restroom when I was out running errands since I wasn't able to use it at home. It was definitely annoying and frustrating, especially since we didn't know the extent of what needed to be fixed, etc. but it definitely made me stop and think immediately about what we've just been studying.

Water.

Not only did God want me to think about it in my mind, but to feel it physically for a day. Without water, there is no life. Of course, in our readily available society, you can go buy almost anything you'd ever need, including water. But I didn't that day. I (tried) waiting patiently until it was fixed, and then continued to thank God for being my Living Water. That evening, I remember being really thirsty and being truly thankful for being able to just turn on my faucet and fill my glass.

God's in the details, guys. He may need to turn your world around for a day to make sure you're really thankful for what He's done...even if it's just reminding you that you're damn lucky to have running water. Just like your mother used to say, "There are kids in the world who don't have vegetables to eat, so be thankful!" Listen to her. It's true.

Plus, moms are always right. Psh.

one day like this

i first saw this video at a Rob Bell conference in Grand Rapids, MI and it's still one of my favorites. i love the song by itself, but i think the message speaks louder. today in my world, it means that joy can be found in the mundane because God is everywhere and in everything. so enjoy your Mondays.


One Day Like This

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