Wednesday, October 31, 2007

welcome home, tim.

this weekend, tim went to knoxville to go to an Old Crow concert with Bill, a UT game with Ben, visit Crossings, etc. needless to say, i was very jealous and wish i was able to go along. i'm actually surprised he came back.

friday started out alright, with a solo trip to Va Beach to check out some pretty cool stores i'd been wanting to go to. i bought myself more than i needed to, and then felt guilty for spending so much money. i do now have my own pair of chuck taylors, which was probably my favorite purchase of the day. i don't regret those. i'm definitely a victim of retail therapy.

while he was gone, my parents left for a cruise to Bermuda. jealous again. sarah's staying with us for the next week, so i get to play dog-sitter and sister-keeper. she and her friends are my favorite high school girls ever, so it was great fun to help fix hair and makeup for Homecoming this last weekend and host the slumber party after their dance. i also have to brag on Hope- my sister's bff that won Homecoming Queen WHILE wearing her football jersey. that's right. she's the only girl on a varsity football team in the district.

this was all after pulling off a Fall Festival for church for what we expected would be 1000 kids- all inside due to the 3 days of downpour that we had, going to walmart to stock up on food for the group of girls staying at our place, and walking up the stairs to find our apartment door open at 10:30pm. good thing i could run across the street to Lindsay & Nick's and make him come check EVERY nook & cranny in the apartment for killers-including the dryer.

add church to that, which is also a work day for me. making sure teachers are there on time, finding subs, passing out food drive bags, and preparing breakfast for 50+ volunteers.

by the time Tim got home on Sunday night, i was absolutely drained. to say the least. i cried for absolutely no reason, and then took a nap that lasted for almost 5 hours.

Tim and I both played hookie on Monday, cancelled our responsibilities for that night, and told real life to back off for one more day.

the up sides to the last few days:

fall weather is finally here.
i have an entire box of brownie mix at home.
ruth ann sent us a package with a nice Starbucks gift card at JUST the right time.
october will be over TOMORROW.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

fence philosophy

so i really have no idea what my/our life's gonna look like in the next few months. we could still be here in virginia. we might not. we could still be a family of two. we might not. i could still have dark hair. i may not. ok, that's a little far, but the point is-i am learning to be okay with not knowing.

i've felt a little stressed/worried/pressured the last few days/weeks about things here in virginia. trying to figure out if i like it, if it works, if it's the best thing for us, if there's something out there that i'm more passionate about, or if i've just lost my passion from wandering around york county. it's a big deal, this grown-up thing. i also know the rewards of sticking things out and being dedicated, but that doesn't mean that change and something different or other decisions are necessarily bad, either.

i don't really recall any time in my life when i "just knew" that God wanted me somewhere. i saw the open and shut doors, the advantages or disadvantages, weighed my options based on my knowledge of "the long run" and made a decision the best i knew how. so far, it's been a pretty flawless process. i've ended up in my life healthy, happily married, educated, and wanting not.

but i also strongly believe that God may give us choices to make. He lays two (or three, or four) in front of us, and says, "It's up to you. I believe you'll choose wisely. Either way, serve me." And He lets us decide one small section of our life's journey and then gets to work helping prepare us further for that choice. Free will, right?

maybe i'm just doing some wishful thinking. maybe i'm on my tiptoes looking over the fence and thinking, "ooh, that grass is greener." maybe God's going to sit me/us down and say, "ok, guys. here's what i have. what do you think?"

scary, huh.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

indiana's the wrong place to be breaking apart

so we're back from Indiana....ella and tim are, in fact, best friends. just like he predicted. i've never seen a boy and a baby so enamored with each other...other than her daddy, of course. we got to play "house" for awhile and help take care of the baby, cart her around to youth group, church, downtowns, restaurants and outlet malls. this weekend was food for the soul. tim and i took it all in while we could. we loved being with kenny & nicole and having a chance to spoil their baby girl. we went shopping, fed our Starbucks addiction, watched our shows, ate at Cracker Barrell and played speed scrabble-all memories for us. we got a chance to share in each other's lives even though we're close to a third of the way across the country.

we also go to see tim's parents and sarah...which was awesome. ruth ann had the usual roast, mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, etc. etc. for us on Sunday afternoon. we took naps and watched some good movies. tim finally got to see Reign Over Me- one of my favorites now. i missed goofing around and making faces with sarah. tim usually doesn't laugh as much as she does.

i sat in the airport, trying my hardest not to cry. i didn't want tim to see how much i'd fallen in love with indiana, too. of course, he saw. there we sat, thinking and doubting. we wondered if we'd ever find a place to settle into. we wondered what would make us happy. we thought about teaching, dreaming, ministering, starting a family, and sharing life with close friends.

we both had tickets in our hands, so we both got on the plane and came back.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

one year completes the circle

i was reading old posts of mine on xanga, the blog i used to keep up. it's always interesting to go back and read something you've written a long time ago, especially if it's in the form of journaling due to the usual emotions that go along with it. i was reading entries from last October, when i was pretty well into student teaching, looking forward to going home for the holidays, barely getting into planning our wedding, and really struggling with what i was going to do with my life and where tim and i were supposed to be living. i was so ready to be moving on, starting something new, and enjoying life without being in school.

i've realized it's taken me a full year to come full circle.

even though i'm not in school anymore, but in some strange way or another....i'm at that same place again.

still trying to figure out what i want to do with my life. i'm confused about a job that i saw God place so obviously in front of me, and now i sit for hours at my desk wondering what else is out there. tim has a steady job, but still has no idea what he wants to do, either.

we miss Knoxville like you wouldn't even believe. Crossings, a church plant that i was a little hesitant about, seems like the kind of faith movement that's right for BOTH of us. the weather, the artsy city, the's got it all.

we've settled down together....and in turn, become more restless.
how is that fair?

ps. happy one month birthday, ella grace gooch. we get to finally meet TOMORROW!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

the alphabet versus the goddess

i was in Borders yesterday, exploring the Psychology section, a section that i would frequently visit (and purchase feverishly from) at McKay's in Knoxville. i was interested to see what was considered "new release" in big shot bookstore psychology.

an interesting title caught my eye: The Alphabet versus the Goddess: The Conflict between Word and Image.

this book intrigued me. i started reading the cover flap and discovered that it was actually a guy's thesis on how written language has a "masculine" effect on culture because it uses the left hemisphere of the brain, which controls linear thought. if you consider visualization, vision, and seeing the "big picture" or an abstract thought process as right brained (or feminine), then his theory makes sense. he explores several different people groups and events in history and writes that society has moved from a feminine way of thinking (when groups of people prayed to the goddesses of the earth, and had no written language, their cultures based completely on character and told stories) to the movement of written laws and literature and therefore became more masculine. he then explains that society could possibly be moving back towards the feminine way of thinking with all the sci-fi and fantasy-like media, movies, music, etc. he thinks society could be meeting an equilibrium of both ways of thinking. he says that visual orientation is moving its way back into society, especially with the rise of power in women authority/political figures.

oh, hillary. you might have a chance.

many people have opinions about his book, mostly saying that one way of thinking is good and the other is bad.

what do you think?
is it good for society to have a linear, practical, masculine way of thinking.....or a visually-oriented, abstract, visionary feminine way of thinking?

what's sad is that he implies that no one is using their ENTIRE brain-only one half at a time.

this is totally a dr. ketchen conversation.

Monday, October 01, 2007

the first of october

the weather is finally looking and acting like fall could happen sometime soon. i'm excited. i'm with tim- when the fall weather gets here, you're just automatically in a better mood.

helped out with another wedding this weekend, a fall wedding. it was beautiful and made me want to do mine all over in the fall. sike. but it was beautiful.

the children's ministry job is still going well. i'm sloooooowly learning how to lead, and i miss teaching more and more every day. thought about subbing on fridays, but then i remembered that i need that day as my "sane time" before i head into another weekend of ministry. it's a hell of a lot harder than i thought.

we're going to see Kenny & Nicole in less than 2 weeks and i'm SO excited. we're really ready to meet Ella Grace, and from what i hear, she's ready to meet us, too. we miss watching Grey's with them and the Wolfs, playing games, and just being the 4 of us. the only part i'm okay with changing is that there is now another person to learn how to play Nerts.

we have a lot of things to look forward to in October, one being Montebello this weekend! it's not going to be the same without the carloads of JBC friends to bring, but it's Montebello, and it's freaking awesome. apple festivals, picking our own pumpkins, camp fires, beautiful trees, s'mores (how excited am I??), hugest sleepover ever. good times. heck of a tradition.

i'm learning how to cook a lot more, now that i'm addicted to Take Home Chef and have my own kitchen stocked full of fun Pampered Chef toys. it's hard to cook for just two, and Tim tells me i have to stop baking and cooking so well to keep him healthy.

this is a random post and i don't really have much else to report. my apologies.
but life is moving along and the seasons are changing.