3 1/2 weeks old

my baby story

so i'm finally posting. sometimes it gets to the point where it's been so long that just the thought of updating is overwhelming that i'd rather not. either way, i want to be a faithful blogger so i'm going to keep it up!

as you saw in the previous post, our little one has been here for a little over 3 weeks now...crazy. it has been the hardest 3 weeks of my life, but i probably would only change a few things (mainly being getting more sleep).

on thursday, dec. 17th, tim and i were to report to the hospital at 5:30am to get hooked up to IV's and whatnot to get ready for being induced. when i arrived at the hospital, i had already been dilated to 4cm for a few days. when the nurse hooked me up to the monitors, it appeared i'd been having contractions for quite awhile as well. not having been through this before, i hadn't really noticed and just thought i'd been experiencing braxton hicks contractions because they were never painful or worth timing. i started the IV of pitocin to help my labor progress and the contractions continued to get stronger and more noticeable for several hours. around noon, we started noticing that with every contraction, isaac's heartbeat would dangerously slow down. the nurses kept moving me from side to side thinking that he had the umbilical cord tucked underneath an arm or something and hopefully he could be gently moved if i moved. at this point, even though my contractions were getting stronger, i had not progressed in dilation at all. isaac's head was still positioned very high and wasn't positioning to get ready for labor, either. we had battled with the dropping heart rate for a little while and would only get temporary results before it would drop again. the dr. wanted it to stay at 110 or above, and when it dropped to 40...he'd seen enough. with several internal monitors and lots of discussion, the dr. decided that a c-section was the best thing to do.

as soon as i hit the surgery room, about 15 people were there to greet me with quick hands and lots of commotion. at this point, i couldn't feel very much from my shoulders down so i was left to stare at the ceiling and keep breathing. tim was quickly handed scrubs and a mask and was let into the room as soon as i was prepped. he sat at my side and talked me through the whole thing. it was nice to see a familiar face amongst all the commotion. everyone was calm and absolutely wonderful, making me calm and under control through the whole surgery. i felt a lot of pressure and tugging, but kept my mind occupied by trying to think about how lucky i was to get to see my little boy in a matter of minutes! from the moment we decided to do surgery until i heard him cry was only about 40 minutes! it ended up the cord was wrapped around his neck, thus explaining the complications before. we were all relieved the doc had made the decision to deliver w/ a c-section.

once i heard that little cry, i started with the tears as well. it was a mix of emotions that i had been holding in until then, when i knew all was well. while the baby was cleaned and checked, tim followed him upstairs while they stitched me up and finished up surgery. i met everyone upstairs and got to hold my little one with one major challenge....my arms were still completely numb!

i don't remember much the rest of that day except being in quite a bit of pain and being extremely happy as my mom arrived just a half hour after he was born and i was able to spend time thanking God for our incredible blessing that still seemed to unreal to me.

i ended up at the ER the tuesday following his delivery with severe vomiting and a UTI, probably from the catheter at the hospital. throwing up every 5 mins with abdominal stitches from a major surgery was almost hell. i was flushed with IVs and medication to stop the nausea and sent home that night. since then, i've been slowly recovering and trying to figure out breastfeeding - probably two of the hardest things i've done. never being admitted to the hospital for anything, never having stitches or even a sprained ankle, it was very odd to have my mother help me do everything including shower, get out of a chair, and put my socks on.

i've recently been struggling with the disappointment of not experiencing a "true" delivery and being able to have that in common with other mothers that i know, but then i'm reminded that sometimes what's best for my child will not be anywhere close to what i plan for them. God had everything under control and the result was just as beautiful as if everything had been completely natural. with so many people "looking down" on women even having epidurals, it's hard to think that i wasn't able to truly experience childbirth like i should have...or that i was incapable of delivering naturally. either way, i am rejoicing in the life of my healthy baby boy...and what's more dignified than putting your own pride aside to give life to someone else?