fence philosophy

so i really have no idea what my/our life's gonna look like in the next few months. we could still be here in virginia. we might not. we could still be a family of two. we might not. i could still have dark hair. i may not. ok, that's a little far, but the point is-i am learning to be okay with not knowing.

i've felt a little stressed/worried/pressured the last few days/weeks about things here in virginia. trying to figure out if i like it, if it works, if it's the best thing for us, if there's something out there that i'm more passionate about, or if i've just lost my passion from wandering around york county. it's a big deal, this grown-up thing. i also know the rewards of sticking things out and being dedicated, but that doesn't mean that change and something different or other decisions are necessarily bad, either.

i don't really recall any time in my life when i "just knew" that God wanted me somewhere. i saw the open and shut doors, the advantages or disadvantages, weighed my options based on my knowledge of "the long run" and made a decision the best i knew how. so far, it's been a pretty flawless process. i've ended up in my life healthy, happily married, educated, and wanting not.

but i also strongly believe that God may give us choices to make. He lays two (or three, or four) in front of us, and says, "It's up to you. I believe you'll choose wisely. Either way, serve me." And He lets us decide one small section of our life's journey and then gets to work helping prepare us further for that choice. Free will, right?

maybe i'm just doing some wishful thinking. maybe i'm on my tiptoes looking over the fence and thinking, "ooh, that grass is greener." maybe God's going to sit me/us down and say, "ok, guys. here's what i have. what do you think?"

scary, huh.