lost but found

on a trip farther north to chesterton to surprise my best college friend for her bridal shower, i was refreshed. not only in friendship and the meaning of marriage, but refreshed by two rooms in a building. i walked into both of their classrooms, where they both teach lower elementary school and it was like it all came rushing back. as soon as the smell of dry erase markers and the sight of book baskets hit me, it was already familiar to me. it was the first time i'd been in that school, those rooms, and seen those things...but it was the same. for lack of better words, i just knew that teaching is part of what God has gifted me with to give to the world. i remarked that they seemed so "grown up" with their own classes, something we dreamed about as grad students not too long ago when the endless torture of internships and papers dragged on. i felt a twinge of jealousy and felt almost like i hadn't made it yet. and then i remembered that God's timing is unpredictable and perfect.

through college, i struggled off and on with the desire to teach and the desire to be involved in children's ministry. i knew ministry would have been the "easier" degree and shorter school career, but still stuck with teaching.

when i was offered a children's ministry job right out of college at a place i was already incredibly familiar with, a well endowed paycheck, and a staff i already considered friends, it was a match made in heaven. through the months of figuring out who i was as i sat behind a desk i thought i wanted so badly...i realized that i was created and woven together with threads of passion that only thrived in school hallways and on brightly colored carpets. i was designed to have certain passions and gifts, and God just needed a place to "keep" me for awhile until i realized my place.

the funny thing is, i still don't have a teaching job. i'm sure in foresight, i can only see the frustration and impatience of waiting for a job so in the meantime, i make trips to see friends and let them refuel my passion for life. and the God that loves and speaks through them. and the peace that lets me know that i was created to be a certain, specific someone.